6/30

I cannot believe it is the last day of June already! Where did my maternity leave go?? Only 13 more days until I return to work--blah! I am already having mental breakdowns. I do not want to leave Oliver. I am having a hard time coping with the fact that someone else will be teaching my child the things I should be teaching and also possibly witnessing his "firsts." Zach and I can't afford for me to stay home. I wish there was something I could find to do at home and still make about the same amount of money that I do now. When we decide to have a second child, I don't know what we'll do then either because daycare will kill us with two! Today was another bad nap day. I don't know what is happening to my sweet child at nap times. I am watching for sleep cues, but as soon as I start nap time routine all hell breaks loose and then there is NO napping for a looong time and at that point he is soo fussy due to being overtired. Bedtime is also becoming a chore again. We know he is tired, so not sure why he's fighting sleep so bad. Little Fuzz is making my heart hurt because I don't know what to do...I hate seeing him cry, but I know he is tired and just needs to close his eyes. Tonight I broke routine and picked him up because he wouldn't stop crying. He eventually calmed down and let me put him back in his crib and he was fine. I guess he just needed his momma. Zach wasn't so happy I did this. He thinks I'm just teaching him if he cries I'll pick him right up. I don't pick him right up, but eventually I will. I don't like hearing my baby cry even though I know he's ok (feed, changed, not too hot, not too cold...) Tonight Zach work extra late..yay! NOT!! We hadn't picked my car up from the shop until tonight so I have been stranded in the house all day every day! I feel like I kinda missed out on some of my maternity leave because our cars have been crap all summer and we've only had one vehicle. I haven't been able to take Oliver out much and I'm getting stir crazy in the house. I have a Dr. appt. tomorrow and I'm actually looking forward to it because it means getting out!!! Plus, I'm going to stop by Babies 'R Us after and wander, ok maybe shop around for a bit! FREEDOM!!